DATING YOUR FRIEND’S EX: WHY YOU SHOULD OR SHOULDN’T (PART ONE)




Firstly, I need to clarify that in this context. I am referring to your real close friend not a friend of a friend.

Who do we refer to as an “ex”?
According to Wikipedia, an ex is someone with whom a person was once associated, in a relationship, marriage or once talked to. It also refers to a guy or girl you once dated or had a romantic relationship with.
However, in this context, an ex refers to a former boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband. 

Take a look at this scenario:

Your friend is dating an amazing guy/girl. He/she is quite handsome/beautiful. He/she is like the perfect embodiment of someone you’ve been searching for all your life. You always tell your friend how lucky he/she is to have that guy/girl as his/her partner. Every time you guys hung together, you always got along with your friend’s partner. He/she was so cool and all you kept thinking was “Why can’t I also meet somebody like her?”.
Fast forward to few months/years later, they’ve broken up. To make things worse, It was your friend’s partner that broke things up with your friend. Maybe you later met your partner somewhere by accident and you guys talked about the situation with your friends, along the line you guys gradually got along. Feelings started developing and you discovered that he/she also had feelings for you.
He/she is still single. You’re really thinking about him/her a lot. At the same time, your friend still talks about her and wonders what really happened in the relationship that led to the break up. Now you are in one of the biggest predicaments of your social life. You’re now in a dilemma and you really want to start dating your friend’s ex, and he/she also wants to start going out with you. You want to start seeing your friend’s ex because you both have a strong feeling that you two are going to hit it off. What do you do in this situation?

This is a situation in which many people find themselves today. A common myth amongst girls around the world is that ex-boyfriends are just off limits to their friends. It’s become like a rule of feminism. Pursuing your friend’s former love is considered one of the coldest things one woman can do to another.
Also, there are a lot of guys who truly feel that once they’ve dated a lady/woman. She’s off limits to all of his friends – No matter how long it’s been since they broke up.

This leads me to one important question. “Is dating a friend’s ex always the backstabbing and thoughtless move we make it out to be?

I don’t really think so. Brandy Eagler said in one of her books titled “The Women on my couch”, She said “Finding yourself attracted to a friend’s ex doesn’t mean you are a villain”.

This is because Most times we are always ourselves and authentic when we are around our friend’s partner. Most of the times, we don’t pretend at all, we always feel free and we often find ourselves in some sensitive discussions with our friend’s partner. 

Not forgetting the common saying “My friend’s friend is also my friend’. Apparently, there is always a form of attraction between yourself and your friend’s partner in one way or the other especially if their relationship has lasted for more than 6 months. This is the foundation of real connection.

Realistically speaking, Best Friends who share so many similarities are often attracted to the same type of girls/guys which makes it quite easy to get attracted to your friend’s partner.

When they eventually break up, most times you find yourself still friends and on good terms with your friend’s partner. In the vast majority of situations, dating a friend’s ex spells trouble, especially (and most always) if your friend was in deep with his/her partner. 

#LarrysThoughts
Location: Lagos, Nigeria

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